Hezah, 26

So I just joined a new gym, and I couldn’t be happier. I am of the belief that I actually felt the moment my metabolism came to a screeching halt on my 25th birthday. It was right after I ate vodka and cupcakes as my celebratory dinner.

As such, my fitness habits ebb and flow like the sea. I have high peaks of outright gym rat performance, to deep valley lows that consist of almost impressive couch potatoage. After feeling like it was a little too difficult to smush my ass into my skinny jeans, I decided it was time to get back in action.

This past Tuesday I went to my first cycling class at my new gym, with my brand new cycling shoes (I was on a spending spree masking itself as an investment in my physical well being.) that took me no less than 10-15 minutes to clip into the bike. My distinguished older gay man teacher boisterously called me out on my inept behavior in front of the class…using his American Idol caliber microphone. 

Afterwards I thanked him for the class, and his failed attempt at helping me with my shoes. He encouraged me to sign up for his mailing list. Why not?

Boy am I glad I did.

Sweet baby Jesus. What have I gotten myself into…