Hezah, 26

Just your average twenty-something night. I made a trip to the market, expecting to live a monk’s life of frugality. I need to pinch some pennies this month, so what better way than to buy less food and force yourself to Mother Hubbard the shit outta your cupboards?

I completely failed, and ended up spending THE SAME amount on groceries as I do every week. To make matters worse, when I got home, I realized how much I over-indulged. I really should make a grocery list, but instead I made a list of men.

My good friend started a video chat with me as I was putting away the groceries of shame, so I moved my laptop into the kitchen.

Somewhere between me shoving my face with crackers (still standing up in my kitchen like a strangely efficient home office) she brought up that she still didn’t know her NUMBER. She had mentioned this absence of info a couple weeks prior, and I just couldn’t believe it. How could you not know??

She resolved to break it down, as she began rattling off names. She paused and said,

“I really should write this down.”

“No ______, allow me. Have a moment of free thought, and I will transcribe.”

The result is the list you see above.

As you creep into your mid to late twenties, the sex toll begins to rise and self awareness sets in deep. In your early twenties, you pray for that number to shoot through the roof. You want to be seen a sex GOD on campus.

As we move through life and toss old lovers aside like clothes we’ve outgrown, your “number” becomes increasingly weighty, on either end of the spectrum. Too little. Too many. Just enough? Is there such a thing?

Getting into a new relationship there is fear that you haven’t had enough experience, or apprehension that you’ve been overtly flagrant with your body. The baggage grows with shame of too many one night stands, or allowing a relationship wear too thin. We’re all so concerned about being condemned by new partners and even society in general. At the end of the day, you’re really only facing your own judgement, which is completely silly.

Everyone has a different journey, and yours is uniquely yours no matter how many partners you’ve taken along the way. Anyone worthy of your time won’t care who is in your past. So leave them all there where they belong, like Dorothy left the Tin Man, the Scarecrow, and the Cowardly Lion in Oz…but I always recommend taking the sparkly shoes with you.