(During Hanukkah this year, I lit the candles and said the prayers by myself in my own apartment. I think I was too lazy to make dinner. Doing the holidays, twenty-something style)

Hezah, 26

It’s Christmas Eve, and this Jew just finished eating at one of LA’s newest hot spots with my best friend and her visiting parents. Now I’m home wearing pajamas and watching old movies. In previous years I would be in Las Vegas visiting my family; for years we have all gathered in that shithole of a city to eat, kvetch, and of course make memories. I just couldn’t do it this year.

It was a selfish decision to stay home no matter how hard I try to justify it, but I just wasn’t feeling very cheery this year. I don’t feel particularly depressed either though. I believe they call this apathy.

I’ve been considered an adult for a few years now, but this was the first holiday season I exercised my right to be kind of an asshole for no other reason than it’s what I wanted. Growing up, there is little choice in holiday plans; you are merely a puppet with the strings being controlled by your parents. When you finally get married and start new family traditions, most other family members respect alternative holiday choices, because there is an additional outside member’s traditions and wishes to consider. But what about that period of time when you are no longer your parents’ responsibility, nor a significant other’s? You’re on your own.

It’s very difficult to make holiday plans in this weird interim period of life because you have so many options, and the freedom to make whatever choice you feel is right at the time. But that’s just it; it’s hard to determine the right thing to do. Is it sacrificing your happiness for the sake family or tradition? Or is it doing whatever makes you feel comfortable because you are an adult, because you can, and because it might be the only time in your life you’ll be able to make a decision with only yourself in mind?

Part of me still feels the rebellious teenage adversity towards my family because spending quality time with them is almost always more strife than peace. I still have a little of that juvenile self-involved mentality that I should just do what I want, whether that’s staying home with my cookies or spending time with friends. My more mature sensibilities recognize the importance of family and traditions. I have enough perspective and impulse control to understand that even if it isn’t my first choice, I will be thankful for the time I sacrifice in exchange for stronger relationships with important people.

When I told my mother that I wouldn’t be joining the family this year, she was disappointed. She expressed that she thought it wasn’t the best choice, but I was an adult had to make these decisions for myself. Lately when I ask for her advice on somewhat adult matters, this the response I get. No help.

Every major holiday I am faced with these feelings and decisions. I try to use my best judgment at each of these crossroads. I am comfortable with the fact that I probably didn’t do “the right thing” for Christmas this year, because I am so blissfully content on this couch spending time with myself.

I have so many holiday seasons ahead of me to spend with friends, family, and loved ones, whether it’s out of obligation or not. So this year since it’s just little old me, I’m going to be self-indulgent because who knows when I won’t have responsibilities to anyone other than myself. Better take advantage of this very weird period of my life and do whatever makes me happiest.