Thank for this exercise in twenty-something honesty.

lovelikevulture:

I’m 28 - I’m 26
I live at home with my mother who had a stroke, and her dog and my cat - I live alone with a plant that I struggle to keep alive
I don’t have a degree - I have a degree from an overpriced university.
I don’t talk about my problems - I talk about the problems that don’t matter, and bury the ones that carry the weight of reality.
I drink soda - I drink diet soda.
I eat meat - I also eat meat.
I masturbate and like porn - Use your imagination.
I give money to homeless people so I don’t feel bad, not be nice - I give them my leftovers I will just throw away, because I have that luxury.
I laughed when I saw Gaddafi begging for his life, but I was alone - I didn’t watch, because I don’t think I cared.

I make $12 an hour - I make almost twice this amount.
I drive a piece of shit car that’s been in a couple accidents - I drive a new car that takes a bite out of my paycheck. The driver’s been in quite a few accidents.
I practice a dying art and don’t make any money from it - Me too. 
I get jealous, meaning if she fucks another guy I will be pissed - I think I just get sad and disappointed.
I can only date one person at a time and expect her to do the same - Depends how much I like you. I can be all over the place, but when I choose my loyalty, I’ll never leave your side.
I don’t like crowds or social gatherings - I don’t like crowds, but I do enjoy social gatherings.
I have an elitist taste in music, film, and literature - I will give you an elitist attitude to your face, and go home to watch my recorded episode of Gossip Girl.
I think I’m better than you at a couple things, but not at everything else - I’m better at using your creativity to fuel my own.
I’m not a great lay, but with the right woman and enough practice I could be slightly better - Isn’t that the case with everything?
I smoke weed, and once in a while I drink - I drink, and once in a while I smoke weed.
I play video games sometimes - I never play video games because I am terrible at them. I don’t like doing things I am not good at.
I don’t talk on the phone - I can talk on the phone for hours, or not at all.
I don’t believe in God, I believe in science and logic - I don’t believe in God, I believe in science and logic with a twist of faith in the universe.
I’m 6’1” and 127lbs. - I’m 5’3” and 120lbs.
I enjoy dead things - I enjoy things, dead or alive.
I don’t want to date anymore, I want a girlfriend - I want to date everyone, and no one at the same time.
I may be getting grey hair - I have yet to find one.
I have a slightly above average penis size - I have big boobs.
I have more books in my library that I haven’t read than ones I have - 20/80 split
I have seen the inside of a psyche ward from a patient’s point of view - I was sent to a psychologist when I was five years old for exhibiting psychotic behavior.
I want better and to be better, but I am a procrastinator - I only procrastinate on things I don’t even really want in the first place.
I love and want to love some more, but - but that takes two.