Hezah, 26

I don’t balance my checkbook (even if I knew where it was hiding.) I ritualistically tear up my credit card statements. I never know how much cash is wadded up and stuffed into my wallet. I frequently borrow money from my savings with an honest yet laughable intent on paying myself back. I can rationalize any purchase or decision with these two justifications, “you’re only young once,” and “that’s what credit cards are for.”

Hi, my name is Heather, and I have a problem.

With my twenty-seventh birthday looming just around the corner, I am crippled with panic as the gap between me and the dirty thirty closes. I know, everyone preaches that your thirties are much better than your twenties, and I believe them because life can only move upward from these awkward terrible twenty something years. That said I would feel more comfortable embarking on what I assume to be adulthood with something to show for myself. 

I have already written about feeling out of control with my money, but I finally did something about it. A couple weeks ago, I had a somewhat voluntary financial come to Jesus with myself. My company graciously offered up two informational finance sessions and 15 minute individual sessions with a financial planner to discuss 401k plans. As I signed my name after the 2pm time slot, I felt like an absentee dental patient holding a stack of reminder postcards, finally biting the bullet and making an appointment. I just knew I had a fiscal cavity; repair was going to be excruciating and expensive.

This is was the beginning of the painful twenty minutes that changed my life. Sitting in that chair across from the finance expert was not unlike a routine visit to the gynecologist, being asked very personal questions that cause discomfort answering with the entire truth. What does my budget look like now? Kind of like this:

My budget is currently based on sunshine, hipsters and cotton candy.

I don’t know if it counts as a bonafied budget or not, but my monthly financial routine basically includes cringing with fear as I haphazardly log into my accounts online twice a month to check on my spending habits. I often pay pitiful lumps towards my credit card, or transfer the $50 I have automatically sent to my savings back to my checking.

This seems pathetic to me as I write this, and definitely something I didn’t want to admit to a professional, even if she just wanted to help me get better. However, the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Like I said earlier, I have a problem, but I sought help.

Not everyone’s job provides a Mother Teresa-esque patron saint of financially wayward girls, so here are some takeaways that will benefit every twenty-something.

·        Calculate how much you actually spend on fixed expenses.

Your first step is to calculate monthly fixed costs. Once I had added up things like rent, cable, car insurance, I moved on to estimating weekly groceries and gas. After subtracting that sum from my total monthly income, I felt like I had been kicked in the gut. I had an astounding amount of funds leftover. In fact, I was forced to realize that I waste almost $20,000 a year with nothing to show for it. I had come to the church of savings, and that statistic was enough to make me a convert.

·        Create a monthly budget centered on saving and NOT spending.

This was my biggest problem. In my head, there was no specific dollar amount to save each month. I figured that I would just save a portion of what I had left over each month. Hmm…oddly enough, I never had any money left over to save. Instead, calculate a dollar amount you are comfortable parting with each month, and set up an automatic transfer to your savings right around the time you get paid; you’ll never know it was there.

·        Decide on a dollar amount goal for your savings.

If you want a real motivator, set goals for your saving plan. How much do you want to save, and in how much time? A good place to start is to create an emergency fund, which should add up to six months’ worth of living expenses. This should really be your primary focus. Once the goal is achieved, you can really start delving deeper into long and short term options.

·        Bucket your money.

Don’t keep your money all in one place, i.e. your easily accessible checking account. Open an IRA, a money market, start a stock portfolio, and create a savings you can’t touch. From there decide if you want a separate savings for leisure, vacation, or next year’s Coachella tickets.

·        Don’t worry about credit cards.

My father yells at me about only one thing: credit cards. Despite that fact, I still have one or two. I used these balances as an excuse not to save money, rationalizing that it was more important to use excess money to pay off my credit debt than to let it sit in my savings. After years living with this mindset, I have an embarrassing savings, and miraculously, my debt remains a constant. You should still be saving as much as you can; the balance will eventually be paid. Dedicate bonuses, tax returns, and other windfall cash to the CC Cause.

·        Use helpful tools and resources.

Sign up for Mint.com for a super easy way to budget your money. Getting in the habit of tracking your every transaction will keep yourself in check, and even feed a growing addiction to frugality. If you are a little old fashioned, use excel charts or your checking book as a reminder of how fluid money can be. Of course, there are always those old people whose calls you keep screening. Chances are your parents know a thing or two about finances and will gladly provide guidance.

·        Keep living in the present, but thinking about the future.

Just because you’ve decided to save doesn’t have to mean becoming a shut-in. Have fun and enjoy your money. We have the smallest window to make money without responsibilities beyond rent and feeding yourself. Live your life to its fullest, just stay within your means. You can still accidentally spend way too much on a bar tab next Saturday night, as long as you’re storing up for a rainy day. The older you get the more you have to save for retirement, so start now, while you can start small.

After having my mind reset, I thanked the woman for taking the time to go above and beyond 401ks (apparently I am not ready to even think about those until I beef up my savings) with me. After extending my hand for a friendly shake, she admitted that she felt like she wanted to hug me. I brought her in for an embrace. Not going to lie, it was pretty cathartic. Turns out, by the end of my financial physical, I wasn’t a total charity case, but like a heart attack survivor, I was in definite needed of a wakeup call. 

P, 23

I start my first real job next week. I’ve held three jobs since I graduated May of last year. The first one had a really relaxed, lenient environment because it was a student job with the university. The second lasted about a grand total of three days; it was my first time getting burned by an obnoxious group of coworkers, so I scrammed. The third job, at some behemoth corporate office, had nothing at all to do with what I went to school for. 

My new job is actually one I would consider a step toward a career path. And so, to celebrate this hallmark in my young life, I shopped for some real grownup work clothes. 

I know it sounds shallow, but shopping for work clothes to mark the beginning of a new job has turned into a tradition for me. I know it’s supposed to be metaphorical (new clothes, new you you’re presenting to the world, blah blah blah), but it just started with my mom prodding me to make myself look professional every time I moved to a new position. This time, I didn’t even wait for her to do that. I just instinctively set out to hunt for clothes that would add five years’ experience to my appearance.

As exciting as work clothes shopping may be, it’s not always the easiest thing in the world for a kid with a small budget. Office clothes are expensive and frankly, the only good button down shirts at saver-favorite Target exist in the men’s section. The women’s section usually has flimsy things that I would NOT consider professional. Well… Today I had shopping epiphany. Today I discovered the power of retail outlets.

Two sleeveless tops, a sailor type sweater, and a cardigan for under 60 bucks, courtesy of Ann Taylor LOFT. It blows my mind that I got four things with cuts and colors that don’t look cheap for that price. 

Just to be clear, I’m not here to be a LOFT spokesperson. I’m here to share a secret to work clothes shopping, that is,

shop at your favorite brand’s outlet store and look for the good quality items that are marked down.

Granted, everything in an outlet store is already priced lower than the suggested retail price. If you’re getting a top for an outlet price of $35 though, you’re probably not getting a great deal. Instead,

only get clothes that have an extra 30-xx% off the outlet price on the tag. 

Better yet, most outlet stores will have a clearance section that brings down the price of the clothes even more. Just a few examples

• The white sweater above was originally $40, $15 on clearance
• The sailor top used to be $45, $15 on clearance

So by all means, have no shame in spending some time in the clearance section.

To put my LOFT shopping spree over the top, I got an additional 30% off for signing up for a free, no annual fee rewards card (NOT a credit card, just one of those positive reinforcement cards that give your points for every purchase). Hey, why not, right?

If you frequent a certain outlet store, you *should* bother signing up for their rewards card because the discounts do add up.

And that, ladies and gents, is how I ended up with four things for just under $60. Turns out, it is possible to look professional on a budget. A note of caution, though—there’s a reason why some of the clothes on clearance are on clearance. Whether it’s an unflattering cut or an outrageous design, some clothes don’t deserve to be bought, no matter how low the price tag.

The trick is to search for the nice gems from last season, the surplus that never got bought. 

The good ones will be classic and a little on the conservative side, but they will last for a long time (Proof: I still wear a favorite top that I’ve had since freshman year).

Go forth and shop, young professionals.

Hezah, 26

It was just a few weeks ago that I discovered Mecca (for ladies with feet sized 5-8). Just to set the scene, it was a particularly low Saturday afternoon. Just about everyone was busy, and I was left to fend for myself. Five loads of laundry and 4 episodes of Smash later (damn you McPhee!); I decided to take myself shopping.

I rationalized away my ever present monetary concerns with the reassurance that I needed supplies for my impending weekend at the Coachella Music Festival. I had planned on getting a new pair of TOMS for the occasion. After the first of last year’s three day extravaganza I learned that wearing cheap flat Grecian style sandals from Urban Outfitters is painful and not that cute. This year led me to a new pair of TOMS, and retail enlightenment.

For years I have always waited patiently for the Nordstrom kids’ shoe department to stock a rogue 3.5 (5.5 in women’s) sized converse. Typically they only keep an inventory up to size 3, at which point you get booted into the adult section, but occasionally a renegade slips into the mix. I wait for these to become available because they are about $10 cheaper than their mature counterparts.

Having a shopping addiction doesn’t require seeking help; it just means knowing where to cut corners.

Recently, I had an epiphany (which later turned into a full blown lifestyle choice) that perhaps I could use this maneuver with my TOMS. Upon entering Nordstrom, my nose was hit with the smell of upper middle class merchandise, and I was set at ease. I erected my imaginary blinders, gliding right through the Jeffery Campbells and Sam Edlemans welcoming me with song like the Alice and Wonderland garden, without the LSD. I made it safely to the kids’ shoe department and the array of TOMS lined up. I choose a few styles to try on, even though five years of wearing these shoes has given me a pretty good idea of how they look. The sales guy seemed so relieved to not be dealing with nasty LA parents that he really went above and beyond for me.

I noticed a few key things about these tiny kicks. For one thing, there was definitely a little more arch support intended for growing feet. The soles were made from thick plastic instead of the flimsy papery bottoms of the adult versions. The heel seemed to ride a bit higher in the back as well. Overall, these shoes were built with the playground in mind, which made them superior (for clumsy people like me). However, just like regular adult sizes in this brand, they do run big. In fact, I found that all the kids shoes ran a bit big. That said I opted for a classic gray pair in…size 2.5. WHAT THE WHAT?? That seems crazy, but for $37 instead of $53 (price of adult TOMS), I didn’t ask questions.

As I was waiting for the sales guy (AKA my new best friend) to come back with my bitty shoes, a glint of gold caught my eye. Mmmm, Steve Madden sandals. These sandals in no way looked like they belonged on a child’s feet, and after seeing the curiosity spread on my face, my new BFF retrieved a pair in size 3 (I promise I can stand upright). To my surprise, these sandals were insanely comfortable and only $40! I later looked online and discovered that there was an adult version of the shoes that was exactly the same but in more neutral tones (totally not as fun) and a whopping $20 more in price.

Well…I DID need a new pair of sandals, and these were such a good deal. I walked out with two pairs of shoes for just about $80. I immediately called my best friend who also happens to have freakishly small feet. I recounted the tale of my discovery of The New World, and she insisted I take her to this magical place the next day. Girlfriend needed some sandals too.

So the next day we sojourned back to the kids’ shoe department with determination in our eyes. To my wallet’s horror, there were tons of shoes I had totally missed the day before, and before you could say, “put down that credit card,” both of our arms were filled with children’s shoes. We were two 27 year olds freaking the eff out amongst a sea of frazzled mothers, downtrodden dads, and spoiled screaming children.

She picked up a pair of TOMS, Dolce Vita gold gladiators, and the same pair of Steve Madden sandals I bought in the other color. I acquired a pair of pink and orange ankle strapped Report sandals with a mini wedge and a pair of gray sequined Sperry’s. The Sperry’s were $40, compared to almost the exact same pair in adults for $75. In total, my friend bought 3 pairs of shoes for $130, and I purchased 4 pairs for $160.

“At least you’re all set for summer shoes,” she reassured me. I shot her a knowing look. There would be more shoes. We both knew this, but I appreciated her effort.

I realized that I could be buying running shoes, flats, and even UGGs at a third of the price if I owned the shame of shopping in the kids section. Nowadays, shoe brands make very similar, if not the exact same, styles for children as they do for adults. For those of you crazy ladies like me and my friend, this is the perfect way to satiate your shoe addiction without compromising your collection or your credit card. 

Abbey, age 29

It’s a Monday, (seriously, it’s only Monday?) evening as I stand here, hunched over my you-could-hardly-call-it-an-‘island,’ in the galley kitchen of my modest Congress Park apartment, as I eat Mediterranean takeout while paging through the newest delivery of the J.Crew catalogue and watching an old episode of Lost on Netflix Instant. After this day, one glass of wine didn’t quite take the edge off, even though it was the last glass from a ridiculously delicious bottle of Sauvignon that came direct-shipped from my favorite winery after my recent and quite possibly hasty decision to join its Membership Club. Before the snap judgment, glass #2 is a luke-warm random White, from a box, that is now quick chilling in my freezer, should I decide a glass #3 is warranted.

While I rather wish I weren’t, I’m also getting caught up on work emails, creating a Branded Materials Priority Timeline to keep my graphic designer on deadline and my team on track, plotting how best to address the conversation needing to take place with my CEO tomorrow regarding his pet project and some ill-performing team members, and deciding whether or not I’ll have it in me to get to the stack of resumes awaiting my review.

Let’s take a step back. One week ago, I turned 29. All of the previous 20-something transition – wings-spread-wide and new-city bound a few times over, anticipating that the next step I was taking would actually begin my ‘career’ … my grown-up life – and the point at which I could effortlessly pay my bills and not consider my most depressing, bi-weekly financial moment to involve a trip to Whole Foods. Yet each step prior turned out to be a sort of cruel joke filled with semi-sad (read: pathetic) bosses, even sadder salaries and in total, the only-somewhat patience for when my seemingly put-together future might arrive. To my now most recent evolution, at this stage in my career where I find myself in a legitimate position, valued in my role by those who matter, and compensated fairly for all the effort behind it. Once again, before the snap judgment, this is finally a significant, albeit somewhat overwhelming step. And even more so why I find my life a conundrum.  

I look around my rented apartment and as I wonder if it’s pathetic that I don’t yet own, I remind myself that I fought the responsibility of commitment (in every sense of the word) for … well, now, nearly the span of my 20s. It’s filled with a hybrid of ‘post-college’ and ‘striving for adult’ interior fill: a wicked comfortable couch that I’m almost in the clear on, offset by a few gently-worn pieces from Ikea via my Beantown transplant roadtrip; a TV most often mistaken for a computer screen that was once my most-prized purchase, connected to a speaker system that multiplies its value by 5; a closet that on one side bears a collection of wears that, in total, equals the other side of the few most recent purchases combined with the two newest pairs of shoes; this the source of a sometimes cleverly layered outfit that I don pre-walk every morning to the car I’ve driven since 2003, which now bears only one side mirror and some unattractive body damage, and offers a broken trunk and an accelerator issue that has yet to be defined because I procrastinate taking it into the shop while crossing my fingers that I won’t rear end the car ahead on my daily commute out. I host dinner parties on Mondays and yet when pressured to go out on weekends, opt for casual get-togethers at dive bars. I’ll spend $50 on delivery if I’m really craving sushi but I complain that a $10 salad from the office building deli is just plain insane. I have a $500 bike on my wishlist that is beyond my riding capacity and I bitch about spending $49 on a tank of gas. Thankfully, I’m only followed around by two felines that constantly vie for my attention when I could have my neighbor’s life, trying to translate a rugrat’s screaming and crying at all hours for god-knows what reason.

The long and short of it, I’ve begun to realize, is that it’s all about perspective. While at present, we find discomfort (and humor) in our fruitless attempts at adulthood, we can find comfort in that regardless of what age we become, we’ll very likely still find those common few, at least those who are honest with themselves, also admitting that we’ve all yet to have it figured out. In nearly my third decade, it’s becoming ever-more evident that we’ll be in a cyclical I’m-pushing-through-this-to-reach-that contradiction at 20-something, 30-something, 40-something or more.  Perhaps just a bit less cynical about it as time goes on.

Hezah, 26

Um…So I was perusing some shoes online (which is masochistic since I am on a self imposed embargo on all things lovely, expensive, and unnecessary like new shoes) I stumbled upon a pair of seemingly adorable flats that came in all sorts of fun colors. Being an avid online comparison shopper, I rely on reviews to help me down my path to purchase (can you tell I work in marketing, jeeeez). I realized that while all the reviews were stellar, super comfortable and cute to boot, they were all submitted by women with ages ranging 44-64.

FML.

AWESOME!

notorioustwentysomething:

Hi, what’s up. Have we met before? No? I’m THAT chick. You know what I mean. You’ve totally met me before. Let me explain.

I’m that chick that went to a liberal arts school and actually believed in it and I majored in communications which really means I spent a lot of time writing stories in my…

Hezah and Friend, 26

What did people do at work before chat? Perhaps there is a serious lack of daydreaming in the workplace these days.

Typical workday musings on life:

Friend: i think she puts a lot of pressure on herself to have a grown up life now

Me: that sounds about right

Friend: im glad i missed THAT boat

Me: yeah, never had that urge

 Friend: i probably did at some point, but the idea of speeding up the growing up process is so not attractive right now

 Me: no me neither, i feel like i can see it on the distant horizon more so than i could before, but i am in no means in a rush to get there

Friend: i think thats why, its coming round the bend real fast

Me: yup i agree

Hezah, and Friend 26 (creepin’ on 27)

Guess what…feelings don’t get ANY easier as you get older. Maybe it becomes easier to let the words tumble out of your mouth. But having them? FEELING those feelings…it’s still rough.

Friend: well yea, all your feelings are in a box deep in the back of a closet
Friend: mine are coming out of my orifices all the time
Me: mine is a plaid felt box
Me: with leather buckles
Friend: haha that can keep it shut REALLY tight
Me: REAAAALLLY tight
Friend: mine is an overused net with a lot of holes in it
Me: i’ve been really good lately, as far as saying when i am upset and why
Me: i still do it like a 6 year old
Me: but its progress
Me: i mostly need to be in some version of fetal position
Me: and maybe doing a hard lean into the other person
Friend: i think i need someone to ask me what my problem is
Friend: and then im good to explode
Me: i need someone to probe me the whole time, eeking out pieces until its enough for them to tell me whats wrong with me
Me: and then i nod my head yes or no
Friend: we’re fucked  

Hezah, 26

The other day, my girlfriends and I were trying to think of all the movies we’ve seen a million times. The movies that have stood the test of time, the ones that never fail to make us feel good. From the ultimate guilty pleasure to undeniable classics, there are movies that make us feel compelled to stop and watch (or record) when their titles pop up on TBS or USA. 

We all agreed on Bridget Jone’s Diary, Sleepless in Seattle, 10 Thing I Hate About You, and Can’t Hardly Wait. What about Fried Green Tomatoes, The Cutting Edge, Empire Records, When Harry Met Sally, She’s All That, and Never Been Kissed. The list goes on and on.

THIS JUST HAPPENED:

shinybluestuds asked: Not a question, but a thank you. Thank you for this site! I'm 22 and up to my eyeballs in early twenties angst. Thanks for bringing some humor to this strange, terrible, and sometimes awesome part of a young person's life.

Wow! This made my whole week! Thank YOU for reading. Sometimes I feel like I am going through puberty all over again, but with bills to pay. I suspected others feel similarly. Glad to know it’s true!

P.S. It get’s easier after 25.